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This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” December 2, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST (on camera): Happy Thursday, everyone.

So, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. We’re getting signs of snow that for once is in under Kat’s nose. But nothing says the holiday spirit like boarded up storefronts and high-end shopping districts.

Sorry rich Bay Area liberals, your stocking is going to be emptier than Joy Reid’s head.

Thanks to the rise in smash and grabs, places like Union Square in San Fran are boarding up more businesses than Minneapolis did, while waiting for the Chauvin verdict.

Deck the halls has been replaced with deck the security guard. Who needs mistletoe when you can kiss your ass goodbye?

Whether it’s brutal home invasions or grisly street attacks, Santa’s naughty list is growing faster than Alec Baldwin’s legal bills. Police officers have been shot and killed this year at all-time highs.

314 officers were shot so far, a 43 percent increase since 2018. Ambush attacks are up 126 percent since 2020, and in almost every major city, murder rates are the highest in 30 years. Merry Christmas.

Crime’s up because crime pays. And the only people getting punished are people who don’t break the law. Even the kids are catching on.


JOE MACHI, STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Hi, Mr. Bitterman, it’s me, Charlie. Mom says Santa sent me some Amazon packages, but I think they got stolen.

JOE DEVITO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Oh, they definitely did get stolen. And I know that because I stole them.

MACHI: Well, you’re going to be on the naughty list.

DEVITO: But, you know, whose list I’m not going to be on? The district attorneys. Because like me, they don’t give a —

MACHI: You’ll get coal in your stocking, Mr. Bitterman.

DEVITO: Oh, not valuable coal. Do you want to throw in some natural gas too, so I can heat my apartment? You know, every minute I spent talking to you, I’m wasting money.

MACHI: Well, can you give me something for Christmas?

DEVITO: Charlie, I’m going to give you the greatest gift of all. A lesson.

MACHI: My hat, my tree.

DEVITO: Say hi to your mom for me.



Now, I’m always skeptical of someone who explains a big problem by saying just connect the dots. Especially, that someone is a shirtless Kilmeade and he’s handing me a magic marker.

But usually what follows that is an insane conspiracy theory involving extra-terrestrials, satanic rituals, and lizard people, which sounds like one of Bill Hemmer’s hot tub parties.

But whenever I hear of another terrible crime, I keep asking why and how? It’s the same thing E.R. doctors asked me after looking at an x-ray of my colon.

But this time, connecting the dots is super easy because the left has given us more dots than a braille edition of Moby Dick.

First, Chicago, so far, it’s had the most homicides since 1994, more than 1,000. During Kim Foxx’s first three years as the county’s top prosecutor, her office dropped all charges against 30 percent of felony defendants, a massive increase over her predecessor.

And despite having video evidence and witnesses to crimes connected to death, she declined charging anyone. Of course, she also fell for Jussie Smollett who’s on trial for a hoax that was as believable as a Tom Cruise marriage.

She treated Smollett like he was the second coming of MLK, even as his story fell apart like a bridge designed by a woman studies major.


GUTFELD: Thank you.

But — a sexist would say. But, she got millions, millions from George Soros. 2 million to be exact, and that’s a dot. Now, you know that the Waukesha madman had been released on a small bail despite having a history that would make Ivan the Terrible blush. The least they could do was take away his car keys, which is good advice for violent criminals or Joe Biden.

John Chisholm, the D.A. who set him free had pledged to work with the San Francisco D.A., Chesa Boudin. San Francisco, have you seen that hellhole since Boudin’s been in office? Now, the San Francisco treat means stepping on a use syringe while a tramp defecates on your shoes.


GUTFELD: And yes Boudin was put in office using Soros’ foundation money, another dot.

In Philly, homicides have more than doubled since Larry Krasner was elected D.A. in 2017. The City of Brotherly Love is now the city of duck and run, which is what happens when a D.A. would rather release criminals than prosecute them.

And the criminals who get second chances, they get arrested again, sometimes for murder. Krasner received 1.7 million in backing from Soros. Anybody else connecting the blood splatter dots?

Then, there’s LA’s George Gascon, another far-left reformer bankrolled by Soros’s millions. He’s now like Boudin, facing a recall after replacing the rule of law with weak sentencing for violent thugs.

Gascon redefined victimhood. So, victims aren’t just those targeted by criminals, but the criminals themselves.

So, wherever crimes exploding, you find these dots, progressive Soros-back prosecutors. Like Maroon 5’s latest tour, wherever they go, people suffer.

It’s like the radical left is running a medical experiment and we’re the lab rats. And if there’s collateral damage, well, the overarching mission justifies it, they’ve said so. It’s like making an omelet. If you want to make remake society, you can have to crack a few skulls.

Unlike scientists who conduct medical experiments, they’re well protected, but the rats aren’t. So, you see the pattern. Eliminate bail requirements, stop prosecuting crimes, and use the pandemic to release even more violent thugs. Because God forbid, a rapist has to suffer mild flu symptoms at Rikers.

All of these dots end up creating a line pointing you to widespread brutality against minorities, the elderly, and now even the rich. But you can’t blame Soros alone. It’s not like he created these people. He may not be a dot, but he sure knows how to connect them.

But it’s like blaming the Jets’ owner for the team’s horrible record the last 10 years. He didn’t create these bad players, he just pays them. He’s writing checks for their mayhem, just like the one Jussie Smollett wrote to his fake assailants. Except here and now, the damage they do is real.


GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guest.

He needs a constitutional amendment to bear those arms. Retired U.S. Marine Corps bomb technician and Fox contributor, Johnny Joey Jones.

He’s got the name of a male stripper and a hair of a Lego figure. Radio and podcast host, Buck Sexton.

He can’t walk around with a coffee cup without someone throwing change into it. The Loftus founder, Michael Loftus.

She’s like tinsel; thin, glittery, and ends up on the floor under your Christmas tree. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.

All right, I’m going to go to you first, Buck. Buck, Buck, Buck, I’m going — coming to you for answers.


GUTFELD: Because I don’t know what you can do about these D.A.s. And I’m thinking like, why was it that you could not mention George Soros without being connected to like tin foil? Like why was that the case?

SEXTON: Well, in this case, it’s because he really was the guy writing the check.


SEXTON: So, because he was really behind all the stuff we’re talking about with the progressive prosecutor project, which goes back really to 2016. That was when a lot of this money started getting going. And I think it was part of the #resistance, right?

You got the Trump administration, you need to have bureaucrats and, in this case, people that are elected to offices that nobody really pays attention to him. And you look at D.A. raises, doesn’t take a lot of money to sway one. Where you putting a million dollars behind somebody, they’re basically going to win and you get the most progressive far left people.

Why does this change? The numbers are crazy right now?


SEXTON: 1,000 shootings in Portland?


SEXTON: Who thinks of Portland is a place — that 1,000 this year alone. 500 murders in Philadelphia? If that was New York City, it would be back to 1992 levels where we had about 22,000 murders in New York.

So, I think people realize, it turns out when you put loons who are like, let’s let all the criminals out of prison or not punish people harshly who are criminals, that things happen in cities.

And it’s not even just the big ones. Lansing, Wichita, you got a midsize cities all across America. They have progressive prosecutors too, by the way. Places like Milwaukee, progressive prosecutors.

GUTFELD: Yes, and it’s spreading everywhere. Loftus, RIP to the bum, you murdered for that jacket.

MICHAEL LOFTUS, FOX NATION HOST: You know what, he died smiling, knowing that the jacket would be famous.

GUTFELD: Well, you know, he thought, well, at least the jacket will be on the show, not me. So, I guess that’s progress.

You know, this is a very depressing topic to me because this is — these are all unavoidable problems created by people who believe crime is not an issue. And they’re — and they’re willing to let people suffer.

LOFTUS: Yes, it’s really like James Bond super-villain level stuff here.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

LOFTUS: Like George Soros; I’ll get this da elected and then the criminals will run for — It’s like, I can remember people trying to tell me about Soros like 10 years ago. But it was like talking about Voldemort in Harry Potter.

GUTFELD: Yes, right.

LOFTUS: They never liked (INAUDIBLE) there’s this guy, George Soros. And now he’s like on the front page of The New York Post.


LOFTUS: They’re like, hey, pure evil, George Soros.


LOFTUS: So, there’s at least that going on.

GUTFELD: But I mean, I used to make fun of it, too. It’s because I don’t like the single variable kind of thinking where it’s like, oh, it’s Bill Gates, is trying to poison you. No, you’re crazy. Like there’s a lot of —


LOFTUS: It’s Bill Gates and George Soros.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s two variables. It’s Bill Gates and Soros. And Fauci. No. But you know, — but there’s a lot — there’s a lot of variables dealing with crime. No cash bail, prosecutors not prosecuting, accusations of racism if you defend the police, the demoralization of the police, Joey. So, what do you — what do you — what do you see? What is your wisdom?

SSGT. JOHNNY JOEY JONES (RET), FOX NEWS MEDIA CONTRIBUTOR: Well, first of all, is the guy with the removable parts? I love the Lego hair comment. That was really good.

I like — and it’s like, I love it. I grew up playing with Legos. And if you ever want to hang out, man, let me know.


JONES: Reminisce on that.

GUTFELD: Yes. He could take your — his legs and your hair.


JONES: And I love that —

GUTFELD: God knows —

JONES: And my jackets.

GUTFELD: And your jacket.

TIMPF: Nobody want her jacket.

JONES: That’s not a — that’s not Lego.

LOFTUS: Everything is awesome.

JONES: And you know, I love the monologue. It’s like all the Christmas cheer, we’re going to along the stage with poinsettias and talk about crime.


JONES: That’s just where we are.

GUTFELD: Well, do you have any suggestions?


GUTFELD: OK, what are they?

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JONES: Here is the problem. No, I have no suggestion. I’m sorry. Here is a problem, what we’re dealing with today with where crime is though; the more you have to lose, the more of the rules apply to you.

So, it’s not so much that I’m bothered that other people are getting away with things. It’s the fact that I know, I could not. Like, for example, who are they going to pull over and write a speeding ticket to? The dude that looks like he would probably pay it, because that’s mutually beneficial for them, right?

GUTFELD: That’s fair point.

JONES: It’s like, you know, I’m just going to — this guy looks like he’s – – you know, it looks like he’ll pay a ticket. I’m just going to pull him over for going five, 10, or 35 miles over the speed limit. Like I would do, I get pulled over a lot, but I don’t read a lot of tickets, thankfully.


JONES: And so, what really bothers me about is we have a system now that not only omits people from having to pay consequences, but it rewards them. Right?


JONES: It rewards people for not having anything to lose.

GUTFELD: When you get pulled over a ticket, do you go, just excuse me, officer, let me take off one of my legs?


JONES: I just kind of hand it to him for a minute?

GUTFELD: Yes. Can you hold this for me?

JONES: No. We know you’re supposed to put your hands out the window, so I’ll just throw the hands and the legs out the window.


JONES: Looks like I’m directing traffic.

GUTFELD: Only Joey can make those jokes.

JONES: Normally, what I say is — did you not —

TIMPF: I hope he’s not joking. You should do that.

JONES: Normally what I say is did you not see the Purple Heart sticker on my (INAUDIBLE)?

TIMPF: Yes, yes.

JONES: Like what are we doing there?

GUTFELD: I got to get one of those.

Kat, I think it’s good — I — there’s — I hate to say that there’s some optimism in the future. But, you’re seeing that these crimes now are no longer in the Bronx or the Southside of Chicago or on a train in Philly.

We’re seeing horrible stuff happening in — happening in Beverly Hills.

TIMPF: And that’s makes you it’s optimistic?

GUTFELD: Well, I mean, maybe liberals — rich liberals in California might go, OK, it’s time to really get rid of these D.A.s. So, I mean, it’s a sad — it’s sad that that’s the come to this, obviously. I don’t want anybody killed unless you know it’s him.



TIMPF: I don’t — yes, I guess.

LOFTUS: That was so in your face.

TIMPF: I guess — I just — I think that it’s they’re still too afraid of the canceling that would probably actually occur.


TIMPF: Like there that’s not an unfounded fear.


TIMPF: In some of the circles that they run in. But at this point, I just feel stupid, because I’m still buying things.


TIMPF: Like, I’m so buying things.

SEXTON: Exactly.

TIMPF: With the money.



TIMPF: But I go to work to earn.

GUTFELD: I know.

TIMPF: Like an idiot.

GUTFELD: Sucker.

TIMPF: What? And they probably have nicer things than I do.

GUTFELD: Oh, well, that’s not —

TIMPF: They’re robbing.

GUTFELD: That’s a low bar.

TIMPF: They’re all getting together with their friend. I do, I dress like trash, I’ve trashed off, yes. And I throw — there’s just — why don’t — why my — I’ve got friends.


TIMPF: Why don’t we go rob some places?

GUTFELD: It is true. But I do feel — I do feel like we’re the — we’re all suckers for paying.

TIMPF: What do we do and go to work?

SEXTON: I was the victim of a crime a few blocks from here just last week. Someone stole my electric scooter from right outside of where I was having dinner.


TIMPF: And he’s probably having a great day on your electric scooter.

SEXTON: Yes, he went like five miles an hour as part of escape, but you know, broke the lock thing I had, and just took off with my scooter. I didn’t see him. And then, the hotel that had footage was like only with a subpoena. I was like it’s the street. You’re not going to show me?

JONES: I’d like to publicly apologize.


GUTFELD: All right.

SEXTON: It was a great scooter though.

JONES: You don’t want me riding a scooter, mate.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

JONES: It’s got — it’s got flames on the side.

GUTFELD: Its no shagging wagon. That’s a — that’s a —

JONES: The old school —

GUTFELD: That’s a 13-year callback.

All right. Up next, Kamala’s ratings head for the floor as another aide heads for the door.


GUTFELD: She’s a heartbeat away from leading the nation. But her staffers say here is my resignation. Yes, they’re just too embarrassed to keep working for Kamala Harris. With her approval rating, saw in the toilet, you need roto-rooter to find them.

She’s losing one more high-profile staffer, but that’s what happens when you’re known as Joe Biden’s number two.

Symone — he — you tried to get me to stop doing poop jokes, but they won’t let me stop. Poop jokes come from me.

Symone Sanders, no relation to the colonel, is quitting as senior advisor and chief spokeswoman. And like your savings, administration officials say she’ll be gone at the end of the year.

Symone is the second high-profile staffer to leave the V.P. in recent weeks. The first was that her communications director Ashley Etienne. Her staff turns over more than dog the bounty hunter at a tanning salon, which is a lot.

This is such big news. We needed to get the vice president’s comment on the matter. I caught up with the vice president earlier today.


GUTFELD: So, Madam Vice President, welcome back to the show.

TIMPF: Thanks, I was hoping to be out with that Timpf girl, though, this time because it’s crazy how someone could be so funny, smart, and good- looking at the same time.

GUTFELD: True. But she is a violent drunk. Anyway, let’s get to the topic because I know you’re busy.

TIMPF: Yes, I’m actually not that busy. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a (INAUDIBLE) toaster.

GUTFELD: True, true. But your chief spokeswoman just resigned. Why?

TIMPF: It’s pretty easy short pants. The (INAUDIBLE) couldn’t hack it.

GUTFELD: Excuse me?

TIMPF: You heard me fart breath. She couldn’t be around a strong woman of color like me.

GUTFELD: But she’s also a strong woman of color.

TIMPF: Exactly, You — idiot.

GUTFELD: But you’re a toaster.

TIMPF: Don’t you know last week, she tried to throw me into a bathtub full of water?

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Are you calling me a liar, squatty body?

GUTFELD: No, I just find it hard to believe she tried to kill you.

TIMPF: I bet if I were white, you believe me. Typical stupid white cracker.

GUTFELD: Well, thanks for coming on.

TIMPF: — you. And congrats on the rating.

GUTFELD: Oh, thank you.


GUTFELD: You know, Kat, that’s an amazing job. You know, because we can’t actually do an impersonation of Kamala Harris.


GUTFELD: That would be racist. So, we are just using a toaster from now on.


GUTFELD: And I think it really work.

It must be hard though to work for a bad boss. You don’t have that problem.

TIMPF: I think it would be hard to be a spokesperson in general.


TIMPF: I would never want to be a spokesperson. I would like to have a spokesperson.


TIMPF: Like you, you know, you do something bad.


TIMPF: Let’s call him up. Like, hey, spokesperson, I — what are you going to do about it?


TIMPF: And then they have to like, come up with this strategy, and then put on nice clothes and go talk to all the people that I pissed off.


TIMPF: So, they can ask them questions about it. So, the people that I pissed off when they think of my — they’ll remember the spokesperson’s face and not mine.

GUTFELD: There you go. That’s how it works.

TIMPF: I want a spokesperson. I don’t want to be a spokesperson.

GUTFELD: One day — one day that will happen.

Loftus, can you blame them for jumping ship? What if it’s them and not her? What if Sanders leaves and suddenly she gets better, like Kamala gets better?

LOFTUS: That’s not going to happen.



LOFTUS: Like zero chance. It will be like the next person will get sick and tired of Kamala Harris. No one likes this chick. Like no one wants to be around. She — it’s like a — if politics was a potluck dinner, she’s that nasty dish that no one wants to eat. But someone keeps bringing it, someone keeps showing up.

JONES: Green bean casserole. Green bean casserole.

LOFTUS: No, no, no, that’s an insult —


TIMPF: That’s a very interesting analogy that you have brought.

GUTFELD: I would have said like if she were a fashion plate, it would be — she would be your jacket.

LOFTUS: Well, no, because jackets’ cool. And people love the jacket.

I’m definitely going potluck.

TIMPF: It looks visibly dirty.

GUTFELD: It looks visibly dirty.


GUTFELD: I think —


LOFTUS: That’s how you know what’s (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: I think you slept in it.


LOFTUS: That’s how you — that’s how you break it in. It’s like a baseball glove, you put it under your pillow, you sleep with this and a couple of Fitzy Jack Daniels.

GUTFELD: There you go.


LOFTUS: Thank you, by the way.

TIMPF: Right.

LOFTUS: Yes, but Kamala Harris, she — no, she — she’s the butternut squash spaghetti.

SEXTON: Of potluck — .

LOFTUS: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

SEXTON: Now, you’re stepping into my zone, buddy. And I can part of the (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: I had too. I had great Butternut Squash Soup today from Hale and Hardy. It was delicious.


LOFTUS: No, no. someone is obviously doing mind control. That doesn’t exist.


GUTFELD: All right, Joey. What if — what if we’re wrong? What if she’s like Trump? She’s just hard to work with? If you just let her be herself, she’ll be amazing.

JONES: At least its —

GUTFELD: Robbing in my face.

TIMPF: Literally.

JONES: No, really, though. Here is the thing. I heard they’re leaving for like jobs that have a future like for Best Buy or blockbuster. Something might be around in a year.

GUTFELD: Circuit City.

JONES: Yes. So, yes.

And so, here is the problem. They’re in communications. Her numbers are in the tank.


JONES: I don’t know that she isn’t so arrogant that she is actually telling them that you’re not doing a good enough job and you need to leave. I mean, that may actually be where it is.

But you know, her best was when she was in the Senate, and she was kind of this bulldog character on everyone they brought in, they rolled in there.

GUTFELD: Yes, she would (INAUDIBLE)

JONES: Interrogate it.


JONES: And she’s not doing that as vice president. Which is ironic because that’s kind of the vice president’s job.


JONES: Especially when you have someone like Biden that you’re like, hey, bro, you’re awake over there?


JONES: But you need someone like her to bring that personality. And the fact they’re not using that is really odd to me. Like I don’t understand the political strategy behind it.

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GUTFELD: Yes. Now, she just stands behind him, like she’s his nurse.

JONES: It’s weird.


JONES: Which that mean? She’s not doing anything else.

GUTFELD: Buck, you’re a kind of an insider dude.

SEXTON: Sometimes.

GUTFELD: What’s your — what’s the — what’s the scuttle but?

SEXTON: So, you have to remember that no one thought that Joe Biden was going to be president at the start of this either. So, I think that Kamala, as much as the numbers are terrible, as much as she was the border czar, who’s no longer the border czar, even though there is no official announcement about why that’s the case. She probably sees this and says if Joe can do it, literally, anyone can.

I think the part of this that is a surprise is the guy who is cognitively declining in front of people and you’re worried if he’s going to walk out some time and just start saying gibberish is actually better on the optics than Kamala showing up and trying to be normal and friendly and appealing to people.


SEXTON: That’s what I think people didn’t expect in this administration, and there’s no way to turn that around.

GUTFELD: I got it completely wrong. I thought that she was going to like learn on the job, she ticked all the boxes, so, she’s — all she has to do is like, be normal and you couldn’t do that.

SEXTON: Remember when she though, that the best was when she at one of the debates was like, well, I’m clearly a top-tier candidate.


SEXTON: And everybody followed politics was like, actually no.


SEXTON: But she thought she was. Yes.

LOFTUS: When you have to pay children to act to like you, you know you got a problem.

JONES: Nobody known for their nervous cackle is ever going to appear to be normal, right? Like she’s she doesn’t appear to be normal. She can at least just be mean, at least that’s an emotion —

GUTFELD: Yes, just be mean.

TIMPF: I respect — I respect to genuine mean.

JONES: Yes, exactly.

GUTFELD: It’s true, just go mean. If nobody likes you already, and you’re laughing and having a good time. Drop that stuff and just be an — you know what? I think that was in the Bible.


GUTFELD: All right, we got to move on. Up next, BLM’s newest cause, avoid white Santa Claus.


GUTFELD: Are those gifts under the tree reeking of racist bigotry? BLM demands blacks avoid stores where whites are employed. Yes, Black Lives Matter is calling for a holiday boycott of businesses owned by white folks. Take that house of mayonnaise in khakis. They get all my mayonnaise and khakis.

The organization announced it on Instagram with hashtags like build black, buy black, bank black, and black Christmas. BLM would prefer you to do all your Christmas shopping at black-owned stores citing, quote, “White supremacist capitalism that uses policing to protect profits and steal black life.” That makes no sense.

But wait, don’t black stores want to protect profits too? And I wonder if their list includes black and minority owned businesses that were destroyed by rioters or the neighborhood stores that closed due to white supremacist ideas like beating up employees and shoplifting.

They even created a Black Christmas website, listing off shops that are owned by black people, which now white racist can use as a list of stores to avoid. Isn’t that the real point that what BLM is demanding is exactly what a white supremacist would want as well? Separatism. We went to a racist for comment.


JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: In America there’s these things about both white vigilantism and white tears, particularly male white tears.


GUTFELD: You know, I still have no idea what I’m getting her for Christmas. I mean, what do you get a racist who hates everyone? It’s just impossible. I can’t shop for that. I can’t shop for that, Joey. This is not a very holiday idea.

JOHNNY JOEY JONES, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: She could have at least put some points that is around with that. Isn’t that what you do when you have bad news? Listen, it’s never about elevating anyone. And that’s the most obvious problem with Black Lives Matte in this narrative. I won’t say the movement because people tell me they’re separate. Maybe they are.

But if you’re a movement, and that’s the narrative, it’s your job to squash that. Because it’s always about dragging someone down, right? Like if you wanted to elevate black-owned businesses, why is your narrative don’t shop at white businesses? Why is it, let’s highlight these black-owned businesses? Why isn’t it, hey — you know, you racist white person, maybe your heart will change if you come to this business and meet these people.


JONES: Listen, the majority of racism in this country is ignorance and fear of the unknown.

GUTFELD: Right. And separatism makes that worse, whereas mixing, we talked about going to the —

JONES: They don’t want to — they don’t want to solve racism, they want to use it to their specific advantage. And that’s the problem with the whole gig and that’s what makes it so obviously corrupt. And that’s why people don’t buy into it.

GUTFELD: Yes. I do think, Loftus, I mean, I know you don’t shop for Christmas, you just scrounge. But nobody’s going to do this because it’s gloriously impossible.

JONES: Was that thrift store black or white on?

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Was the hobo black or white?

LOFTUS: You know, I don’t look at color.

GUTFELD: Thank God. Clearly, I look everything.

TIMPF: Yes, that’s obvious.

GUTFELD: But the fact is, I mean, you can’t — this is impossible because people, at the bottom line, like what they like, they don’t care who they buy it from.

LOFTUS: That’s right. And I feel bad for like, what if there’s a business that’s on this list, like, Black Lives Matters, like, don’t shop there and maybe there were secretly like — was — is the looting going to stop too? Does it — does both come with that? Which I’m with Kat from that first segment, that’s how I’m going to do my Christmas shopping this year. I’m just going to stake take things and just say, I’m looting.

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go.

LOFTUS: Right? And that’s —

GUTFELD: Eight hundred dollars, only in California though.

LOFTUS: But that’s the thing. That’s what I didn’t know there’s that monetary cap. Like if you take too much stuff, now, you’re in trouble. So, I’m not that good at math.

TIMPF: California is going to have a looting tourism.

GUTFELD: That’s true. Oh, my God, that’s funny.

LOFTUS: It’s like Squid Game the Price is Right, you know, you only have five minutes to loot.

GUTFELD: Tourism looting. Yes, that’s pretty funny. That’s like those walking tours of New York or the haunted locations of Boston. In this case, it’s like, OK, first we’re going to hit Tiffany’s.

JONES: It’s the — it’s the next in Escape Room, right? It’s like — we’re like, you need these five items, these five — where are you going to go, right?


TIMPF: A package or you get like a bus ticket and a crowbar.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s a scavenger hunt that you do when you’re on your — bachelorettes do when they’re really drunk. You know, Buck, this is exactly what white racists want to. So it’s like — now you have on both sides, on both extremes, people who don’t want to mix, who don’t want to be together.

BUCK SEXTON, FORMER CIA ANALYST: These movements that do this, that use identity politics in this way, there’s no outer limit to the crazy, right? You keep seeing this, they’ll do things that are contradictory to the very purpose of what they say they’re trying to do, which is to at some level, create justice in society.

This is like when people are told that they can’t cook burritos if they’re white, or they can’t make Pho or Pad Thai or whatever, because that’s appropriation as if food isn’t all just mixed up river anyway. I mean, shouldn’t we just go buy the stuff we want from the people we want to not worry about it? But this really comes down to — I mean, I think BLM has just unfortunately, as a movement, made everything worse for everybody. You actually look at the end results of it. What do you — what do you point to when you say, that’s been really positive?

GUTFELD: So, I mean, the — in fact, if anything — the police reform now is about having more police, right?

SEXTON: Of course.

GUTFELD: I mean it’s like everything that they claimed that they wanted has now ended up in higher crime and destruction. So, now, you’re back to, we’d like the police again.

SEXTON: And it’s frustrating because normal rational people, for the last 18 months, have been saying, you know this is going to end up with people getting really hurt and bad things and they’re all running around, you know, high fiving each other on CNN, acting like they’re crazy, so.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, if this is such a great idea, why not just do this year round? Like why is it just Christmas? Do it every day.

TIMPF: I think that’s a great idea. I think one interesting thing about it could be to see how many businesses are white businesses and how many of those businesses are the ones who are constantly shoving the wokeism down all of our throats.


TIMPF: Like this super hyper, they don’t never say to all their ads or never bought anything else. And the guy in charge is a white male. That could reveal that which could be quite interesting.

GUTFELD: That is — and that’s usually the case. It’s always the white leftists that the crocodile —

TIMPF: Well, then you quit, buddy. Quit.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Coming up, women’s tennis shows some spine condemning China. Get out of the way.


GUTFELD: Women’s tennis show some guts by refusing to kiss China’s butt. Yes, hats off to women’s tennis for not bowing to China’s communist menace. Yes, the Women’s Tennis Association, my second favorite tennis association, announces suspending tournaments in China in support of the Chinese tennis star, Peng Shuai. I know it’s impressive.

Who knew women play tennis? A sexist. A sexist might say. But, ironically, the WTA is the first sports organization to show some balls.


Figuratively, and recently alleged she was sexually assaulted by an official in the Chinese Communist Party. That’s the Chinese version of the Democrats. And China’s authoritarian government is accused of covering up the story, silencing Peng and refusing to investigate the situation. They’re now as silent as their shill, LeBron James.

Yesterday, chairman of the WTA, Steve Simon, called for a thorough investigation of Peng’s allegations. But with the WTA pulling out of China indefinitely, the organization stands to lose over $100 million in contracts and sponsorships.

So, they’re putting their principles before their money. If only there were more athletes and celebrities or even political leaders who had the same stones. Paging Uncle Joe, just kidding. You can’t work a pager.

Loftus, have you stood for anything in your whole life?

LOFTUS: The national anthem.


LOFTUS: The national anthem.

GUTFELD: There you go.

TIMPF: Oh, my God. That was pathetic. That was pathetic even for you.

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LOFTUS: I’m learning, Kat.

TIMPF: Exactly. He’s like, I’m on Fox News.

GUTFELD: That was good. That was good. But they do have more balls in the NBA.

LOFTUS: It’s fantastic. I can’t believe anybody’s doing business with China. I mean, like, it’s like they got slave labor, they got death camps, reeducation camps. And the Olympics are like, oh, we should be with you guys. It’s like, why is anyone going over there? I actually — it all — with all respect to the — to women’s tennis, that’s a great move. I’m thrilled.

GUTFELD: And, you know, Kat, it’s not old to see something like this. There’s always been one lady who makes tennis great, her name, Annette (ph).

TIMPF: I don’t — I don’t know what’s happening. I get your joke. I get your joke. Because there’s a net in the middle. I get it. You did a great job.

GUTFELD: It sounds stupid. It’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever said. And there’s a lot.

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TIMPF: No, it’s not the dumb.

GUTFELD: What do you make of this? You must be happy for your gender.

TIMPF: See, that was more dumb. Look, you must be happy for your gender. Look, it’s choosing — it’s great. It’s choosing humanity over money. And it’s kind of sad that I’m surprised by it.

GUTFELD: I know.

TIMPF: You don’t see it that often. I’m like, really? Because that’s a lot of money. And a lot of people choose a lot of money over humanity, so this is great. Way to go.

GUTFELD: Yes. And you know what, Buck, it’s like — you compare this to something like the NBA what — who works the woke grift. So like as long as you’re — you hit all the pronouns and you support black lives matter and you support kneeling athletes and condemn whatever kind of speech, then you can get away with working with China. That’s the whole grift.

SEXTON: Yes, well of course. I mean it’s the opposite of brave when you have these athletes who do things that make them richer, build their social media followings, make them among, you know, their — of their fans, their communities more popular. That’s not a brave stance to take.

But on the China issue, I mean, when you’re actually changing iconic movie moments like getting rid of the Taiwan patch in the back of Mavericks jacket and top goalie, you give people a sense of how much everyone’s — you said, who’s doing business with China? Everybody’s — I mean, of course, Tom Cruise’s hair, and that movie alone is amazing.

JONES: A Marine Corps pilot would never do that, by the way. If it were — if it were a movie about — I’m sorry.

SEXTON: It’s OK. I mean, I just have to listen to exactly what he says (INAUDIBLE). He tells me. I don’t know. They’re all pilots.

The point is everyone bends a knee to China. And to see some — someone actually take a financial hit and do something about it, I don’t know. Maybe there’s a domino effect here. Maybe some other people decide they’re going to do something other than bow to Xi by, I don’t know, changing the name of the coronavirus variant so that it doesn’t sound like Xi. Although I think it’s chi, technically, right?

GUTFELD: It could be the start of something, Joey, but also, it’s just great that it’s women’s tennis who did this.

JONES: I love this segment. It’s the most intellectually challenging segment we’ve ever done on the show. And I’m about to tell you why. First of all, I don’t know anything about women’s tennis apparently. Buck plays a lot of it. He’s explained it to me in the break.

SEXTON: This is not surprising to me though.

JONES: I don’t know anything about tennis. And — but there’s a thing here we can do that is very inspiring. We cannot compete with China’s slave labor, we cannot compete with the way they are willing to ravage natural resources, their manpower. So many things that China brings to the world market and makes us hard for us to compete with.

But there’s one thing we can’t compete with, and that’s the culture that we export through entertainment. And it’s because in this country, you have the freedom to be whatever crazy version of yourself you want to be. And by doing it, you become a character that that no matter what culture you are, you want more of it.

Now, there aren’t a lot of college football or NASCAR in China so there’s not much that my folks can do. But when it comes to the NBA or tennis or these or soccer or whatever these or movies and music.

GUTFELD: But look at what Disney did. I mean Disney — I mean the Simpsons and it’s like — you’re right, it’s what we export.

JONES: We’re doing the opposite though. We’re performing to them and this is the only point of leverage we truly had.

GUTFELD: It sound like we’re getting — we’re — there’s no Chinese Simpsons.

JONES: We can absolutely put —

GUTFELD: Maybe there is. I don’t know.

JONES: I don’t know.

GUTFELD: All right. We got to move on, but you’re making a great point. I think.

JONES: They ruined it.

GUTFELD: I just don’t talk so much.

JONES: It was — I was on fire.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was embarrassing.

Up next, tis the season for fun and folly, so why are so many less than jolly?


GUTFELD: When it comes to Secret Santa, most people can’t-a. Office workers feel strange about this phony stupid gift exchange. In a recent poll, we learned Secret Santa is most Americans least favorite thing about the Christmas season, followed by hearing children’s sing.


I put that in there. Seventy-nine percent of respondents said they hate the gift exchanges because they usually have no idea what to get the other person. Here at Fox, people hate it because they fear of pulling Kat’s name, which means heading to the Lower East Side to score a bag of heroin.

But 37 percent will still do Secret Santa this year, making it more popular than Joe Biden. Personally, I don’t see the big deal with Secret Santa. It doesn’t matter who I pick. They all get the same thing. A wonderful massage.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, yes, right here. I get a lot tensions in my shoulders. Greg’s in a professional. I’ll do you next.



GUTFELD: That was gross. It’s got to be hard, Loftus, to do Secret Santa with you because I have to go to all the Goodwill bins in the neighborhood to find discarded clothing that smells enough to your liking.

LOFTUS: Right. And I’ve already been through it and got all the cool stuff.


LOFTUS: Right? So you’re getting the leftover, leftovers.

GUTFELD: I hate Secret Santa, do you?

LOFTUS: I don’t mind Secret Santa. I just hate wrapping the gift. I’m a horrible gift wrapper. It just always looks right. And there’s people I know — there’s women in my family. They could like wrap a microwave and a postage stamp. It’s all going to line up perfectly. I’m like, screw it. I’m just going to wrap it in the — on the New York Post with George Soros’ picture on it. It sucks.

GUTFELD: I like — I like the wrapping, Kat, where you just take something and you put it in and you just pull the wrapping paper up.

TIMPF: That’s what I do, yes.

GUTFELD: And you tie it and you go like that, and then that’s all you need to do.

TIMPF: That’s what I do. But I’m a woman though. So, it’s crazy. But you’re wrong —

LOFTUS: Yes, it is a little.

TIMPF: Yes. You’re wrong about Secret Santa also. I think it’s more than just unpleasant. I think it’s a hostile work environment.

GUTFELD: I agree. I agree.

TIMPF: No one should have to endure that kind of stress at work.


TIMPF: Because you don’t know these people that you work with. HR won’t let you. You don’t know them. So, like, what are you supposed to get for people? I don’t know what to get for my husband for Christmas. And we’re in a holy union.


TIMPF: So, how am I supposed to know what to get someone at work?

GUTFELD: No, it’s a good point. It’s — I don’t like — we do this for The Five and it’s so manufacture — yes, of course.

TIMPF: Horrid.

GUTFELD: Yes, it’s terrible. But we just have our assistants buy the stuff.

SEXTON: I would just like a new — a new electric scooter.

GUTFELD: Oh, get his bag. How much was that?

SEXTON: It’s like 250 bucks. It’s rough.

GUTFELD: How long can you go on that thing and when it’s charged?

SEXTON: Well, it depends on how heavy you are I found out. They say it goes 20 and 10 miles. But, you know, after COVID, if you’re obese, it goes more like 15 miles an hour. So these are — it’s just way too much truth for T.V.

GUTFELD: Move up to — move up to electric bike. Electric bikes are amazing.

SEXTON: Electric bike will be a lot of fun. But I will also say for any of you that have the issue of the wrapping. My family openly mocks my — I’m the worst wrapper — wrapper of presence in the family.

TIMPF: Probably also a bad rapper.

SEXTON: Probably also.

GUTFELD: What about you, Joey? What do you hate about Christmas? Tell me. You must hate something.

JONES: I love Christmas.

GUTFELD: You make me sick.

JONES: This is what I hate about Christmas. If I want something, I go buy it.


JONES: When I want it and when I need it. It’s rare that you can get one on me, like, I’m going to get this for him.

GUTFELD: Exactly what it is that happened?

JONES: I’m going to show up wearing it already like I bought it last week.

GUTFELD: It’s like — the last time that happened that my parents bought me a bicycle when I was 14, No one’s ever got — I remember one time, I got this heavy, heavy box that this could be amazing. And it was The Book of Lists. That was when I knew there was —

JONES: But going back to me.

GUTFELD: Meaning to life.

JONES: What about me?

GUTFELD: Yes, you. Go, Joey.

JONES: Thanks. I’m going to like change these socks in a few bucks. You know, give me some socks.

GUTFELD: I’m going to get you some WD 40. How about that?


Oh, God. I should shut up now.

JONES: Now, I thought we were friends.

GUTFELD: All right. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.


GUTFELD: All right. We’re out of time. Thanks to Joey Jones, Buck Sexton, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I love you, America.

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