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This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” August 30, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: We have not assessed that any group on the ground, whether it’s ISIS-K, or the Taliban has the ability to attack the United States.

Well, we clearly need to — sorry, that was an aggressive bug.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Even bugs aren’t afraid of this administration.

(INAUDIBLE) those.

Hey, I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine wasn’t so bad. I spent most of it working on my abs with my personal trainer.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I’m the one on the bottom. For a change. It’s too late, Martha, you can’t leave. So, we are living in a world run by idiots, where every day something more idiotic presents itself like a giddy polka dot-wearing moron blowing a kudzu out of his butt.

It’s like a parade of Swalwells. First, Arne Duncan. He was Obama’s old education secretary. He’s so stupid, he thinks SAT stands for sending asinine tweets. Like this one. I’ll read it for you.

“Have you noticed how strikingly similar both the mindsets and actions between the suicide bombers at Kabul’s airport and the anti-mask and anti- vax people here? They both blow themselves up, inflict harm on those around them, and are convinced they are fighting for freedom.” That makes no sense.

Have you noticed Arne Duncan is a complete jackass? And no, Arne, we didn’t notice strikingly familiar mindsets between anti-maskers and terrorists, because we unlike you weren’t oxygen-deprived at birth.

At least a terrorist thinks he’s going to be rewarded with 72 virgins. What’s Duncan hoping for? 72 thumbs up from his Twitter followers. So, that was Obama’s education secretary. Great pick there, champ.

No wonder our education system sucks. At this point, Somalia is better. At least theirs produces high-quality pirates.

It’s a sad fact, the politicians, the experts, the people in charge are dumber than a cage full of monkeys flinging poop at each other. In the animal kingdom, that’s called the Scarborough.

Look at this graphic courtesy of The Times. It’s a breakdown of all the military equipment we handed over to the Taliban. 65,000 machine guns, 360,000 assault rifles 126,000 pistols. You know that makes receiving 72 virgins look like a pair of socks.

Only Biden could make Christmas come early for a horde of Islamic radicals. But Joe, you keep spoiling them like that, next year, they’re going to want nukes.

So, who made that decision? Someone way up there made that decision. How is that person not known? Even in pro-sports, if a player blows the Super Bowl, he or the head coach has to face the media right after the game.

Where are the anonymous sources the media loves to quote with all the inside scoop behind this scandal? Remember, Trump would hit the bathroom, and CNN would say 10 nameless sources claiming he wiped with Sharman.

But oddly here, none of our valiant reporters feel compelled anymore. It feels like some things are just off-limits now. Of course, Jake Sullivan, who looks like he just left tryouts for a high school production of Pippin, claims the president relied on military officials advised not to use the Bagram airport.

And so, another buck gets passed. And this is an administration who said the buck stops with me. But the White House passes the buck around like it’s a dear orgy.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.

GUTFELD: Disgusting. No, no, no, don’t. No mercy clapping. No mercy clapping, this is an SNL. But even the media is — they’re blaming Trump. Soon, they’ll be blaming their failures on old episodes of The Apprentice. And there’s a report that the Taliban offered Biden control at Kabul, which was nice of them. Even savages like the Taliban have to make things easy for sleepy Joe.

They know any choice harder than Matlock or pudding makes him cranky. Rumor has it Joe said no to that because they wouldn’t allow him to put a Baskin Robbins in the main terminal. Because you know, he likes ice cream.

All right, I’ll retire those ice cream jokes. Here he is snapping at a reporter who asks him about Afghanistan.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I’m — I not suppose to take any questions, but go ahead.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mr. President, on Afghanistan —

BIDEN: I’m not going to answer on Afghanistan now.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: — risk at the airport, sir?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Where, where am I going? He’s got the temperament of someone who hasn’t taken a dump in nine days.

Hey, we get it. The job is hard, and hard things make Joe angry. Especially, if

Where are you? Where am I going? He’s got the temperament of someone who hasn’t taken a dump in nine days. And we get it. The job is hard and hard things make Joe angry, especially things that are hard enough to require chewing.

Meanwhile, a Marine is fired for asking military leaders to accept accountability. He sacrificed a comfortable retirement to speak his mind. We know his name, Stuart Sheller.

But we don’t know the names of the people who made all of these awful decisions. Is it just Joe? That’s possible. But how can one person make so many mistakes, choosing the wrong path at every twist and turn?

He’s like me when I grocery shop drunk. The crap I come home with makes no sense. Peanut butter and carrots, and you should see the stuff I eat. And now that it’s gotten real bad, they’re hiding behind one word, consensus.

Not to be confused with consensual, in case Andrew Cuomo is watching. But you know what consensus is? It’s fake. Because anyone who doesn’t agree with their decision is dropped from the consensus. So, the consensus is always at 100 percent.

But I guess, if you get a hit at your very first at-bat, you could say you batted a thousand, but we know it’s garbage. And it’s this consensus that shields the idiots from accountability. Even though consensus is made up of 100 percent idiots.

The Marine who just got fired chose to show them what accountability looks like. He did the right thing. And in the Biden regime, that means he had to pay the price.

ANNOUNCER: Period!

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guest.

Like the city she grew up in, this Buffalo native is hardworking, full of potential, and has never won a Super Bowl. “THE STORY” anchor, Martha MacCallum.

She is, by far, my favorite female libertarian with glasses. Host of “KENNEDY” on Fox Business Network, Kennedy.

And she’s on the road a lot, I think she sleeps in her car. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.

And his show is watched by millions, and not just his kids. “FOX AND FRIENDS WEEKEND” co-host, and hosts of “MODERN WARRIORS: AFGHAN EXTRACTION” on Fox Nation, Pete Hegseth.

So, Martha, I know you are a huge fan of royalty. We’ve done a lot of royalty segments with you. Are you aware that I’m now king of late night?

MARTHA MACCALLUM, FOX NEWS CHANNEL ANCHOR (on camera): So, you wear it very well.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes, thank you.

MACCALLUM: You wear it well.

GUTFELD: It’s not — it doesn’t —

(CROSSTALK)

MACCALLUM: Congratulation, king of late night.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, it doesn’t really fit. So, I fired the (INAUDIBLE). And I must make a correction, you are not from Buffalo.

MACCALLUM: No. No, Wikipedia thinks I’m from Buffalo. It’s been going on for many years that I’m from Buffalo. So, I just sort of like the fact that Wikipedia doesn’t get everything right. I do really like Buffalo, though. It’s a really nice town.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: It really is.

MACCALLUM: And it has great little towns around it. But yes, I’m from New Jersey.

GUTFELD: All right. Well, it’s close. Buffalo, New Jersey. Same thing if you live in California, all (INAUDIBLE).

MACCALLUM: That’s true, probably is.

GUTFELD: Anyway, let’s get to the topic at hand, my crown. No, wait. So, we had the big news today that they would — we got out early. What would you — what are your thoughts on this? The military does a great job. We know that. Where do we go from here? What do you — what are your thoughts?

MACCALLUM: I mean, I had so many thoughts watching your monologue about accountability.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACCALLUM: And I thought so much about the people that we really heard almost nothing from throughout the course of this when I watched President Biden walk away in that.

We heard so little from him during this. We heard so little from General Austin or the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Mark Milley. We heard a lot, in fact, several times a day from spokespeople at the White House at the State Department at the Pentagon.

And I think, today, you know that the taking off of those planes and the ending of the war in Afghanistan is something to recognize, to be grateful for. I saw Pete earlier tonight, just basically thanking all of these people who have given so much — so much.

All these family — I keep — I can’t really stop thinking about these 13 people.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Right.

MACCALLUM: And their families, and the mother who was so outraged at the loss of her son, and I just — I feel so much for her. But you know what, I think that this moment of ending like this, right? It takes away a little bit from the accountability question.

We’ve had a lot of smug prognostication over the course of all of this, oh, well, it would never happen for the Friday to a Monday before the secretary of state went off for his vacation.

And they were wrong about a lot of things. And I just want us to remember that when we look at the fact — oh, they got out 24 hours early. Well, thank God.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACCALLUM: I’m glad nobody else was killed on the way out the door. But the thing is, the war might be over for now. But the war will shift and sadly other people will die.

GUTFELD: Right.

MACCALLUM: Because of the decisions that were made here. When you move a piece on the chessboard in global — in the global environment, you leave an opening, and somebody fills it. And it’s going to be Russia. It’s going to be China. It’s going to be al-Qaeda. It’s going to be other terrorist organizations.

And really, my heartbreaks, the last thing I’ll say is this. A friend of mine lost her brother on 9/11, said, you know, I want people to remember those who died on September 11th. But I really want them to remember who killed them.

And those people are back in charge now in Afghanistan 20 years later. This is a really tragic sad bookend for those families.

GUTFELD: Yes. So, Pete, what are your thoughts? I think it’s — we talked about this on “THE FIVE” that it — this is not about — the not about the bravery of the military, It’s about how we ended up in the situation with the bravest military. Like the choices that were made, put the military in an incredible position.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Impossible position. And you can recognize the heroism of the men and women who are on that airfield for the last two weeks in the entirely precarious situation they were in, and thank them, and be appreciative for that, and at the same time, condemn what got them to that point, and demand accountability for what got them to that point.

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My overwhelming feeling when I saw that banner come across the screen that were out was just sheer relief, frankly, for the ones that were still there. Considering the way it had been conducted over the last couple of weeks. The ad hoc manner in which decisions were made that put us surrounded by the Taliban — at the behest of the Taliban.

And then we had Marines reaching over that barrier, trying to pull in people we promised we wouldn’t leave behind. But of course, we had, and one of the telling statements was almost a dismissive one a couple of the briefings of. There’s a couple of 100 Americans there.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Right. We know that.

HEGSETH: There’s a couple of hundred Americans there.

(CROSSTALK)

MACCALLUM: We didn’t get out everyone out.

HEGSETH: That we didn’t get everyone out.

MACCALLUM: Yes.

HEGSETH: And those are future — I mean, that’s pure desperation. Those are future hostages in a chess game amongst Islamists.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: And now we have a legitimize — a legitimize terror state. And the Taliban is the word we like to call them, but they’re totally intermingled with the Haqqani Network and al-Qaeda groups we know were a terrorist organization.

So, this story is far from written. And we don’t know who these 123,000 refugees are. As someone who has been an absolute advocate for bringing my allies home, interpreters I knew home, guys I fought with home, and we should. Because of the ad hoc nature of the withdraw — of the retreat, we were pulling people into the wire, many of which we didn’t know who they were. That’s going to have a (INAUDIBLE) of that

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: People are running past other people, people just running past when the gate would open, people just run through, and it’s true. I mean, it’s a testament to what we can pull off. But, you know, it also says a lot about Afghanistan. Everybody wants to get the hell out. Right?

LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Yes, there’s so many — I mean, there are — there are so many targets. And you know, we talked about 250 Americans, and that’s five times as many as we’re in the Iran hostage crisis.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KENNEDY: And, you know, look what happened to Iran after that. Look what happened to our relationship? And I do think — and Pete can speaks to this, but I do think there are special operators who are still planning on going in and helping extract those people.

GUTFELD: Right.

KENNEDY: Because, frankly, they’ve done a better job communicating, and prioritizing, and organizing who needs to get out.

And to Pete’s point, a lot of these people were helping U.S. service members for two decades. And they have lists of all those people. And a friend of mine, who was a retired Special Forces, he texted me today, he said, no, we’re going in there. We’re still going in because the fat old guys have to do it now, because the government has failed.

HEGSETH: Right.

GUTFELD: God bless fat old guys.

KENNEDY: Amen, Greg.

GUTFELD: I was once one.

KENNEDY: And by the way, can I just say something really quickly?

GUTFELD: Sure.

KENNEDY: You did such an incredible job at Prince Philip’s funeral. And she is going to do — really, it was — it was wonderful. I’m a huge fan of the crown. And I thought you did such great service to his memory.

(CROSSTALK)

MACCALLUM: Thank you, Kenedy.

KENNEDY: It was beautiful. When you die, she is going to give you the most elaborate, and journalistically sound funeral. So, thank (INAUDIBLE) in advance.

GUTFELD: So, what you’re saying is I should not outlive Martha MacCallum.

MACCALLUM: Yes, there a jaw, because you’ll want me to cover King Greg’s — King Greg’s (INAUDIBLE).

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes, so exactly. I don’t want — I don’t want Geraldo doing it. Knows what — Geraldo do this thing, it will be like, I did “THE FIVE” with Greg Gutfeld for many years. Here is some pictures of me on the beach. We couldn’t find any pictures of me with Greg.

All right, Kat, take us home. What are your thoughts, being married to a man who spent time in Afghanistan?

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: And a soldier, I might add.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: I just been add.

TIMPF: Yes, he wasn’t just hanging in out for spring break.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: Was he — wasn’t he go further?

TIMPF: No. Well, a lot — you know, he is been talking about a lot of people who are more junior in the military, but haven’t talked with us accountability and issues with the top brass and senior officials in the military.

And so, you have this guy who, you know, gets fired and then resign since pension.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And gives up millions of dollars, essentially. And a lot of people now are wondering, so what does this do? Does something happen? Does this force a change or does this just quietly go away, and then nothing changes?

Because, if you look at how this happened, that would obviously never happen in any other company where you need accountability. And that’s a lot of the problem with the military is that the accountability doesn’t exist.

Look at what happened when somebody stood up and said, hey, this isn’t cool. Even though it’s been sort of an open secret among military people for decades now.

HEGSETH: Yes.

GUTFELD: All right. We’ll be talking about this later in this show. But first, why the CDC’s new word rule make them sound like cool?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: Woke Apocalypse. Woke — woke up like this? Whatever, Greg.

GUTFELD: They’re changing the way you speak. So, you sound like a stupid freak. Yes, after the CDC choked, they’re now going woke. The CDC, which has apparently nothing better to do right now, has published a new guide to inclusive language, and it features a massive list of words they want banned.

For example, instead of inmate, ex-convict, criminal, you should use phrases like people who are incarcerated or detained, or persons in pre- trial or with charge. But when in doubt, just say Avenatti.

In regard to substance abuse, alcoholics and smokers should be called persons with alcohol use disorder and people who smoke. I just call them Kat.

Illegal immigrants are now people with undocumented status or asylum seeker. Or in California mail-in voters.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And the uninsured, call them people who are medically underserved.

I call them people I hit on at the E.R. One suggestion for the homeless, persons who are not securely housed. That is so bizarrely worded. It makes me think of this dream.

React, the bankruptcy barrel. Anyway, the guide is filled with tons of words the CDC thinks should be replaced because they consider them dehumanizing in favor of de-stigmatizing language.

But you get rid of stigmatizing language, there goes my career. No more interest for Kat, no more interest for anybody. Now, maybe it’s me, but I’ve always considered the opportunity costs for busy work like this.

This kind of stuff takes a lot of manpower — sorry, non-cisgender person power, which can only replace other more important stuff. You called the Centers for Disease Control. You’re supposed to control disease, it’s in your damn title. It’s not language.

But a wise man once said, change your language, and you change your thoughts. Actually, it wasn’t a wise man, it was Kilmeade. And boy was he loaded. See what I mean? I purposely just stigmatized him. Pete.

HEGSETH: Yes you did.

GUTFELD: I’m going to stigmatize you with the amount of stripes and patterns all over your body.

HEGSETH: A lot today, right?

GUTFELD: Yes, they are. They are.

HEGSETH: Person who likes stripes.

GUTFELD: Yes. OK. That’s the point that I was going to make. All they’re doing is putting the phrase person who blank in front of something.

So, I like to get boozed up. I’m a boozer, I’m a drunk. No, you’re a person who drinks alcohol. You see what it — it’s so easy. Person who wears stripes?

HEGSETH: Who does it benefit? I mean, person who injects drugs?

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: I’d rather be a drug abuser.

GUTFELD: Me too.

HEGSETH: But I’m tired. Don’t tell anybody exactly what I do. If I’m a drug abuser. I could be doing anything.

GUTFELD: That is true. It could be Tylenol —

HEGSETH: My own stuff. Now, I’m injecting things we know it’s off the risk.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

HEGSETH: The thing that kills me is, you said it, and it’s what it’s worth repeating. This is the Center for Disease Control.

GUTFELD: What — exactly.

HEGSETH: How many diversity advisors? Honestly, how many paid diversity advisors do they have? I just saw the Justice Department hired their first diversity coordinator.

GUTFELD: This is such a bad thing.

HEGSETH: Every company in corporate America has multiple diversity coordinators. Every school district in America has diverse — equity diversity and inclusion coordinators, making a lot more than the teachers because it’s fashionable and easy to do. It gets people off your back.

GUTFELD: Right.

HEGSETH: That’s ultimately all these leaders care about.

GUTFELD: It’s a diversion. So, like if you’re an oil company, the environmentalist will be too busy dealing with the pronouns, the bother you.

Kennedy, am I wrong to think that this does pull from other areas? Like if a company who creates vaccines has to pull double duty, you know, did go into these mandatory seminars? Am I stupid to think that like, oh, this is going to eat into the time creating? Like a Pfizer is doing mandatory —

(CROSSTALK)

KENNEDY: Of course.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KENNEDY: Time is one of those things that, you know, based on where we’re living in the here, and now, it’s finite.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KENNEDY: You only have so much, but you only have so many people, even a government bureaucracies, and you only have so much time. My question is when did Noam Chomsky become the head of the CDC?

GUTFELD: Yes.

KENNEDY: Because this is now in linguistics organization. It’s not just about words, it’s about changing your thoughts, changing the way you think, forcing you to use certain terms to signal that, that you are worthy of inclusion into this tribe.

And it reminds me of hanging out with my 16-year-old and her friends. Because when I try and be the cool mom —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You’re right.

KENNEDY: And use the slang, they like, no one says that anymore. Like, I can tell you often, I had to text my 16-year-old last week, like, is based a compliment? And she was like, give me the context and don’t ever say it again.

Because that’s what they do. So, the CDC being a bunch of mean girls who’ve totally outstepped their lane, and they really should figure out how not to have another global pandemic again.

GUTFELD: Exactly. No, Kat, do you think that gender-neutral ended up neutering gender? Do you see what I did there? I flipped through — I’m playing with language.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: You don’t have to answer it.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: I just wanted to impress people.

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TIMPF: You did.

GUTFELD: I did. Look at my hand movement.

TIMPF: I am very impressed. Yes.

GUTFELD: This is why I have a crown and you don’t.

TIMPF: That’s true.

GUTFELD: Look at my crown, Kat. You don’t have a crown.

TIMPF: You’re right.

GUTFELD: And on your tooth.

TIMPF: Actually, I’ve never had a cavity.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Yes. So, I — yes, really. I’ve never been to prison.

GUTFELD: No.

TIMPF: No, remarkable. But, I think if I were there, the least of my concerns would be whether or not the CDC called me a prisoner or a person in a prison.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: I don’t think it actually does any good. And I guess I’m the only one who’s kind of glad that the CDC is wasting their time with stuff like this. Because if they’re not doing this, they’re going to have, you know, Rochelle Walensky on T.V. saying, just because you’re vaccinated, doesn’t mean you don’t need to wear a mask in the shower.

Like, it’s everything they do is worse than this.

GUTFELD: I just saw — speaking which, I saw that they’re like — oh, I can’t remember what college it was, but it was an expensive one, Martha. It was one of those ones that I could have gotten into, but I chose not to. Double masking inside.

MACCALLUM: The (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE).

MACCALLUM: Yes.

GUTFELD: Double masking inside. Anyway, CDC.

MACCALLUM: Yes.

GUTFELD: Is there anything good to come out of this list?

MACCALLUM: No, because here’s the problem. You touched on it earlier. They have a — you know, multi-billion dollar budget, they haven’t — they’ve barely done any studies on COVID.

Have you notice that every time you finds out something really interesting, like recently, Israel said that people who had COVID before had better coverage against Delta virus than people who are vaccinated.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACCALLUM: So, it’s like, wow, I’m so happy that Israel found that out, you know. And the Cleveland Clinic did amazing work on what happens to you when you’ve had COVID, and how does it play in if you do or do not get vaccinated?

I’m like, what is the CDC doing?

GUTFELD: Right.

MACCALLUM: They’re coming up with these ridiculous rules. Plus, if you’re a smoker, or you’re an alcoholic, it is detrimental to your health. And that’s what their job is. So, they need to just sort of call it what it is and point out that it’s not good for you. And not make it a nicer way to say it.

GUTFELD: You know, what’s almost worse than this, is CDC calling crime, an epidemic of gun violence and focusing on that now. You see that they’re shifting into that world. The same what they’re doing with climate change. All — what they’re doing is you’re calling everything health-related.

(CROSSTALK)

MACCALLUM: A disease.

GUTFELD: Yes.

KENNEDY: I wonder — I wonder what sort of epidemic will follow from the gun violence based on leaving a million guns in the hands of the Taliban?

GUTFELD: And I know.

KENNEDY: I wonder what sort of epidemic we’ll see in a years.

(CROSSTALK)

MACCALLUM: Let’s just send the CDC over to study that.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Yes.

HEGSETH: The person who were stripes has a comment.

GUTFELD: Yes, sir.

HEGSETH: I would say the big — and you talked about open secrets to the military, talk about the time trade-off between training and the safety protocol stuff, and the diversity equity inclusion in the military, in the box-checking, there’s tons of it. And the Pentagon is awash with it. And units are — units are forced to deal with it rather than I don’t know trained for withdrawal.

MACCALLUM: Right.

GUTFELD: It’s amazing.

MACCALLUM: Stick to the mission.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: Do you think she was difference between an alcoholic and a person who drinks? Or at least that’s what I told myself.

GUTFELD: And on that note, up next, are you returning to your job feeling like a blob?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: “PLEASE GOD MAKE THIS END!”

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: The government paid our salaries while we ate too many calories. So, for months, we stayed indoors and became a bunch of Michael Moores. More people are returning to their offices post lockdown, and many say they don’t want to bring the extra weight that they gained with them.

42 percent of Americans gained more than they wanted to during the shutdown. So, according to the American Psychological Association, the poll found that the average gain was about 15 pounds, and that the most common causes were comfort foods, too much booze, and not enough exercise.

Worse, adults aren’t the only ones affected. Another study found that number of five through 11-year-olds that were overweight or obese increased from 36.2 percent and 45.7 percent during the pandemic. The upside jolliness also increased by 40 percent.

But hey, it’s just like my personal trainer, Hans, always says: “Greg, you said your wife wouldn’t be back until 9:00, she’s coming up the driveway.” Where are my pants? And what do we do? Kat, during the pandemic, I saw you get massively, massively fat and it turned out you just eaten an apple.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, I keep my baseline of anxiety so high that I don’t always want to eat a lot. But the thing about this is, is we’ve diluted ourselves into saying that like fat-shaming equals, you know, saying you’re going to have health problems if you’re overweight, which is not fat shaming.

Fat shaming is saying that someone’s a bad person or less than as a person because of their weight, but it’s the truth that’s going to be the truth. And if you wait a bajillion pounds, you’re at a higher risk for absolutely everything and it’s kind of mean to let someone live in something that’s not reality.

GUTFELD: That is so true. And the irony of it is that the shutdown increased the risk for dying of COVID by causing the weight gain. 10 pounds is a lot of weight to add for me as a major risk factor, puts you into borderline obesity. So, the shutdown oddly enough, could have been causing more death which I think is a very interesting analysis, Pete, if I don’t say so myself.

Your family, literally, got bigger, right? Without having more children. You have 13.

PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes.

GUTFELD: But your family — but if weighed your family, and those giant, you know, cattle scale.

HEGSETH: We do that at the airport.

GUTFELD: I figured you would. And then you wrap your kids and tape and ship them.

HEGSETH: Right underneath, priority. I don’t understand why we’re even talking about this because every runway show, every beauty magazine, everything I’ve looked at has told us that being any size is beautiful.

GUTFELD: That is true.

HEGSETH: So, why are we trying to get smaller when we go back to work since the new beauty is fat as you want to be?

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, everybody’s going to put a — if that’s your magazine after years of, of champion women who were bulimic and anorexic are now putting severely overweight women.

HEGSETH: I see more — I guess you’re supposed to say plus-sized women on the cover of magazines then, then I don’t.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: So, I — you’re calorically challenged? What’s the problem?

GUTFELD: It’s part of the person —

MARTHA MACCALLUM, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: A person who likes to eat.

GUTFELD: A person who likes eating. By the way, Martha, do you know that, that is that might just be the whole problem with obesity, is that people – – there are some people that like to eat more than others. It drives me crazy being around skinny people who they’re skinny because they just they’re not into eating.

MACCALLUM: Nobody. What drives me crazy is skinny people who eat French fries and hamburgers and are like, how is that happening? But you know, I thought it was funny in your intro because you said they gained more weight than they wanted to. So, I was like, how much did they want to? They wanted to gain eight pounds, gain 15 pounds? But the other thing is that this whole thing about returning to work as a motivation. It’s like the ultimate high school reunion.

GUTFELD: Right?

MACCALLUM: You’ve been gone for like a year and a half. And now, you want to like walk into the office and be like, hey, look at me, I did well.

GUTFELD: It is. I was thinking it was like going on a vacation. But it’s actually more like that. Because these are people you haven’t seen in a long time. You are a triathlete, right? Which means you’ll try any athlete.

LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: I don’t know what that was.

GUTFELD: I don’t either but I imagine it was disgusting.

MONTGOMERY: Thank God we’re not on T.V. right now.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Let’s start the block, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes. Number one show, late night — my crown, Kennedy. So, you are — Kennedy, as a fitness person, did you find it a struggle being home?

MONTGOMERY: Absolutely, because the pools were closed.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And so, and that is a massive part of my fitness is swimming.

GUTFELD: And where do I pee?

MONTGOMERY: That’s a secret you’re not supposed to tell people if you pee in the pool, but everyone does. So, yes, no, and when you’re sitting at home, because one of the other things — yes, you like to eat but people who work don’t have time to eat?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Like you’re always quickly trying to shove in a meal while you’re off to your next meeting or whatever. And we’re all just sitting at home like oh, let’s add some more cheese to these eggs, girl. Yes. And it’s — I compare it, OK, two things: One, it’s like living in your own clutter. You don’t see it anymore until you decide to put your house on the market, and you realize someone’s going to come see it.

So, then you’re like, oh, my gosh, I have to clean up. That’s the urgency that people feel going back to work. The other thing is, I was buying a pair of shoes the other day and the guy goes, were you sitting next to Greg Gutfeld? And we had just been on “THE FIVE” and I said, yes, and he goes you look much skinnier on T.V. with blonde hair. And I was like, that’s Kat Timpf, but thank you.

GUTFELD: No. That is hilarious and strange. I guess, I guess we all do look alike to other people.

MONTGOMERY: And keto, like you started doing keto, and I was like, I got, I got to lose some of the thickness.

GUTFELD: I lost, I lost 40 pounds.

MONTGOMERY: Yes, it’s incredible.

GUTFELD: I lost 40 pounds. But then it, it started sneaking back in, why? Because I came back to work and they have these big baskets of snacks. And they have it here because they want to have enclosed snacks.

MACCALLUM: Right.

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GUTFELD: So, COVID, so they have these — they’re free. And anytime you have free food, you gain weight.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I hoard. If I see — I didn’t even eat this stuff, but I’ll see like five, five boxes of Oreos and I get like —

HEGSETH: You can see the good stuff.

GUTFELD: I want the good stuff. And I’m like taking it as though somebody else might take them from me. That’s weird. There’s something wrong with me. Among other things —

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MACCALLUM: So, you take Oreos? I take the Rice Krispie bars.

GUTFELD: I did too and at one time, I ate them off the floor recently. Guys, let’s just say I was experimenting with some legalized substance. And when you know, when you’re eating Rice Krispies that fell on the floor, that’s some (BLEEP).

All right. Up next.

HEGSETH: Parmesan cheese.

GUTFELD: Yes, from a Green Beret to the Capital Beltway. GOP Congressman Mike Waltz joins us right away.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Today, the Pentagon announced the final U.S. troops have left Afghanistan. But American civilians numbering in the low hundreds are still there. So, what happens to them? Well, we’ve got the best Florida man to talk about Afghanistan. He spent more than 24 years in the U.S. Army serving multiple combat missions in that country.

Now, this former Special Forces Officer is representing Florida as the first Green Beret elected to Congress. Joining me now, a man who served more tours than a groupie for the Rolling Stones: GOP Florida Congressman Mike Waltz.

So, Congressman, I watched — let me just get your initial thoughts from today, and the press caught the press conference from earlier today. What, what are your thoughts?

REP. MICHAEL WALTZ (R-FL): Oh, God, well, you know, the lies and misinformation, right? You know, the war is not over. The terrorism that happens in Afghanistan doesn’t stay in Afghanistan. It’ll spread like a cancer, it will follow us home. This is a disaster on humanitarian grounds. It’s a disaster for American credibility.

And it’s a disaster for counterterrorism. As we head into the 20th anniversary of 9/11. We’re far less safe and what pisses me off is future American soldiers are going to have to go back to clean up this mess with no basis. We gave them all away. No local allies — they’re all being hunted down. And they’re going to have to fight through a terrorist army.

That’s, that’s loaded to the hilt with American equipment, billions of dollars of it. It’s just outrageous. It’s irresponsible. I’m honestly speechless, because I’ve been out night after night helping Americans get out. And they’re still there, Greg. I was on the phone this morning with two American citizens and their children outside the gate of Kabul International.

GUTFELD: Really?

WALTZ: And Biden left him behind. We’re trying to smuggle that — we are trying to smuggle them out through, through other means. And here’s the other thing, right, is now they’re saying well, we have leverage; we have foreign capital and reserves and we have all these things, the Taliban want. You know, who has the leverage or the Taliban in the form of hundreds of Americans we just gave them on a silver platter.

So, last I checked, when you’re paying billions or allowing them access to billions in exchange for Americans to be let freed, that’s a ransom. And we’re — so Biden’s strategy is now we’re going to pay ransom to terrorists to get the rest of our Americans out. It’s, it’s again, it’s outrageous.

GUTFELD: You keep hearing this thing from we heard it today is that, I don’t know, the 250 low hundreds, as they call it casually. They want to be there. Do you believe — I mean, what you just told me clearly, they don’t want to be there. But I mean, sure, maybe there are some there that have family there, but what do you say to that when they keep saying a lot of them want to be there.

WALTZ: Please put me in touch with that American citizen that wants to be there with the Taliban because I’ll show you the voicemails, the videos, the desperate pleas that we’re getting night after night after night: “Please help us get out. We’re trapped. We’re stranded.” And right now we’re faced because he shut down the airfield and wouldn’t keep the troops there. So, he kept his promises to the Taliban, but he broke his promises to the American citizens, now we’re having to smuggle them out. It’s incredibly dangerous, and that blood is — that bloods on Biden’s hands. We’re going to make sure of it.

GUTFELD: Who made it — he bears responsibility, but who made — there’s it’s not just one big (BLEEP) up? There’s a lot of small ones. There’s a lot of small ones that are like not using the right airport, not Taliban offering to let you take control of the other airport — is it just Biden or who is this that’s making these?

WALTZ: Now, remember, Greg, this same team that’s around Biden was the same one around Obama.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WALTZ: So, let’s add to the list, right. We had Benghazi. We had the trade for Bergdahl. By the way, two of those Taliban terrorists that we traded for Bergdahl are now in charge. We had, you know — we had that pull out of Iraq that led to the rise of ISIS. We have the Iran deal. At the end of the day, this is a group of, of academics and political scientists without a speck of dirt under their fingernails.

I’ve actually had to deal with terrorists that think if we just give enough, if we concede enough, right, if we if we make enough concessions if we’re nice enough to them, there’ll be nice back. And, and you know this, that’s why we are where we are. So, it’s that crew. It’s Blinken. It’s Finer. It’s Sullivan. By the way you got Susan Wright and Carrie lurking in the background. It’s all the same crowd making, making disaster after disaster after disastrous decision.

GUTFELD: One last question to you. What do you make of this belief that you know, because ISIS and Taliban don’t get along? That’s going to help us out? Do you buy that?

WALTZ: No, not, not for a second, and the intelligence is clear that al- Qaeda and the Taliban are tied to the hip. They fully intend to come roaring back and hit America again. You know, Greg, it’s not like they’re running around out there with different jerseys on saying, I’m on this team or I’m on that team. They’re all intermarried. They all have different allegiances.

Sometimes they’re fighting, sometimes together, but they have one, one clear goal and that’s attacking the West and killing Americans, period. So, that’s just you know, that’s just a joke. And Biden’s own intelligence people are telling us this but you’re going to hear them try to craft this narrative of we have good terrorists and moderate terrorists that work with us against the bad terrorists.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WALTZ: Yes, I don’t buy it. Hey, sorry, sorry to make you want to drink and depressed everybody but this is a terrible, terrible disaster.

GUTFELD: Congressman Waltz, many things make me want to drink that happened, don’t even come close to this. Like, if I just like —

WALTZ: Make you want to drink a lot?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. That’s Yes. All right, Congressman Waltz, thank you for joining us. I know you got a lot to do. Take care. Thank you for your service. Up next, is hip cross with graphic and it’s P.R. stunt stops traffic.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Should they have run over a fellow who was promoting Cinderella? Yes, their promotional stunts made them seem like very inconsiderate people, Martha. I had to change that because Martha had written something horrible. James Corden who you may recognize from nothing blocked in L.A. intersection to promote an upcoming film that I don’t want to give publicity to? Here’s a clip of Cordon’s dancing that only a few seconds but only a few seconds, so don’t change the channel.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JAMES CORDEN, T.V. HOST: Let’s get loud.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Wow.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, I don’t know about you, but that made me really want to see the movie. After steering a steamroller all over them, says a racist, not me. Kennedy, thoughts?

MONTGOMERY: I love musicals and dancing around and I would have had a great time with this. But having said that, don’t stop traffic in L.A. People are cranky, frustrated, and oftentimes armed.

GUTFELD: Yes. But in Hollywood, Martha, how do you — I mean, how can you tell traffic is already stopped, am I right?

MACCALLUM: Yes, that’s true. I just only have one comment on this movie. I looked at the trailer and it’s like Cinderella issues a dress designer and she says to the prince like: Well, what about my work? If we get married? And I just thought like, do we really need this —

GUTFELD: Even here.

MACCALLUM: Can’t you just sweep the floor?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MACCALLUM: And like be swept off by the prince. It’s just Cinderella. It’s OK.

GUTFELD: Kat, should James Corden be deported? Or executed? You only have two choices.

TIMPF: I am surprised, honestly that no one died. I am truly. I’m shocked that no one died. When I drove in L.A., I only want to take side streets because I was scared of the expressway but I took a wrong turn wound up on the expressway doing like 30 miles an hour. People were pretty mad. And I’m surprised that they actually got away with this and nobody truly random —

GUTFELD: I think it was all fixed. It was all fixed, Pete. You know you’re very handsome, why aren’t you more successful that Corden?

HEGSETH: My wife asked me that all the time. I think he should be deported.

GUTFELD: Yes.

HEGSETH: To Afghanistan.

GUTFELD: Oh, really?

HEGSETH: Where he should try that in the streets of Kabul.

GUTFELD: There you go. He’s kidding, by the way, people who take this out of context.

HEGSETH: Am I?

GUTFELD: I don’t know.

HEGSETH: I guess I am. I guess I am kidding. This is how they view regular people. The plebes will deal with us while we stop traffic. It’s not a playground, aren’t we special? They adore us, admire us. We are the special people.

GUTFELD: Now, true, if it was a tourist driving they would be very — they’d be like, oh my God, we’re Hollywood, you won’t believe what happened. But everybody else trying to get to work, they’d be like you are a bunch of —

MONTGOMERY: Heard James Corden singing and literally jammed pencils into our ears.

GUTFELD: I’ve done that a lot when I have an itchy ear.

MONTGOMERY: But the pointy part.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Right in the ears.

GUTFELD: All right, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right, we’re out of time. Thanks to Martha MacCallum, Pete Hegseth, Kennedy, Kat, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” is next. Shannon Bream is not on, but she’s on our show this week. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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