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We’re on to Part 2 of our 2022 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament, and it is easily the best region of the entire field. There are at least three names among these 16 that could realistically win the whole damn tourney. Key for this group is the amount of newcomers. Each of the top four seeds are in their first-ever Name Bracket tournament.

Will that novelty help the advance in the tournament, or will their inexperience eventually cost them against the more established names in this championship run?

Let’s meet the Region 2 contenders.

1 Kalil Pimpleton vs. 16 Bobby Price

Kalil Pimpleton has monopolized the Google market for “Pimpleton,” which is quite the accomplishment for an undrafted NFL rookie. Meanwhile, Khalil/Kalil means close friend in Arabic. It’s a unique, pleasant name with strong consonant sounds and a nice throwback to puberty. Throw in his local ties to Central Michigan, and Pimpleton may squeeze his way into the finals by the end of this.

Bobby Price is probably under-seeded as a 16 seed. I respect a grown man who still goes as Bobby. Of course, when I hear Bobby I immediately have to say their name in a political advertisement narrator voice, thanks to “Parks and Recreation.”

Poll

Who has the better name?

  • 89%

    Kalil Pimpleton

    (678 votes)



  • 756 votes total

    Vote Now

    8 Dan Skipper vs. 9 Brock Wright

    The imagery of a 6-foot-9 NFL offensive tackle skipping will never not be funny to me. I couldn’t finish writing that sentence without a little giggle. It’s only funny, of course, because we’ve decided as a culture that skipping is purely an adolescent behavior. We got it wrong. Skipping is unbridled joy, something we seem to accept less and less into our lives as we get older. Normalize adult skipping. Create skipping lanes on those horizontal escalators in airports. If fast walking can be an Olympic sport, there’s plenty of room for competitive skipping. WHO WOULDN’T WATCH THAT? IMAGINE THE PHOTOGRAPHY!

    Brock Wright a tough name and a worthy competitor for Skipper. It’s short. It’s concise. His name is Brock, fergodsakes.

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    Poll

    Who has the better name?

    5 Shaun Dion Hamilton vs. 12 Taylor Decker

    The unhyphenated three-worded name is a power move in this tournament, and I respect the hell out of it. Much like Air Bud, Shaun Dion Hamilton has found a Name Bracket loophole. There’s no rule against three names. In fact, if someone wants to bring four names, I’ll grant them a No. 1 seed without blinking. Apparently, Kiefer Sutherland’s full name is “Kiefer William Frederick Dempsey George Rufus Sutherland,” but Jack Bauer cowardly sticks with just two. Shaun, Dion, and Hamilton are nothing special individually, but the gall to insist on all three names raises all boats.

    Decker is a pretty good name for an offensive lineman and a tough son of a bitch. But that’s all.

    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 59%

    Shaun Dion Hamilton

    (445 votes)

  • 40%

    Taylor Decker

    (301 votes)



  • 746 votes total

    Vote Now

    4 Cedric Boswell vs. 13 Austin Seibert

    Cedric Boswell is technically Cedric Boswell Jr., son of the Detroit-based boxer of the same name. Senior finished his boxing career 34-2, with his final bout a loss for the World Boxing Association Heavyweight Title opposite Alexander Povetkin, who was 22-0 at the time. Anyway, it’s hard to think of anyone other than The Entertainer when it comes to Cedric. Boswell is also a great last name, if for no other reason than it rhymes with Roswell.

    Austin is one of those new-age names that piss off old people who took George Carlin a bit too seriously. It’s fine. I hear good things about the city. In fact, I was about to spend a weekend in Austin before COVID canceled those plans.

    If you’re wondering how to pronounce Seibert, just imagine Bert from “Sesame Street” sighing at Ernie’s endless insufferablity.

    I find characters like Bert fascinating. He’s a pretty popular archetype. There’s Squidward, Daffy Duck, and Ren from Ren and Stimpy. These characters that are treated as villains simply because they (rightfully) don’t put up with the main character’s insanity, pompousness, or downright stupidity. Sure, they have character flaws of their own. Typically they’re joyless and snarky, but it’s almost warranted given their surroundings. We laugh at their misfortune. Screw that. These guys are the real heroes for constantly putting up with the attention grabbers.

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    I stand with the Sighing Berts.

    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 65%

    Cedric Boswell

    (481 votes)

  • 34%

    Austin Seibert

    (255 votes)



  • 736 votes total

    Vote Now

    6 Saivion Smith vs. 11 Jeff Okudah

    I had never heard of the name Saivion, but like a lot of the names in this tournament, it sent me down a Google rabbit hole. There’s a man named Savion Glover, who choreographed the opening to “Monday Night Football” back in its ABC days. Savion Einstein is an Israeli screenwriter, who won the Gold Cactus award for this Sprite advertisement:

    There’s also Savion Castro, a current member of the Board of Education for Madison, Wisconsin who has regularly stood up for civil rights.

    But here’s the thing: Saivion Smith does not share a name with any of these people. He snuck an extra i in there at the top. In order to find another person with the name “Saivion” you have to dig five pages deep for a young sports writer named Saivion Mixson, whose banner photo on his LinkedIn page, unfortunately, has his name spelled “Savion.”

    Jeff Okudah is about to be an awesome story on the field, but his name is pretty ordinary.

    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 65%

    Saivion Smith

    (485 votes)



  • 735 votes total

    Vote Now

    3 Derrick Deese Jr. vs. 14 DeShon Elliott

    You all know why Derrick Deese is so high on this list. I refuse to play your childish games.

    DeShon Elliott is a misspelling minefield. If you manage to remember the capitalized S, you’re almost certainly going to instinctively put an e at the end of his first name. If you’ve somehow managed to avoid those pitfalls, you’re going to forget the second t in his last name. If you’ve managed to get all three of those correct, congratulations, you’re the new senior editor at Pride of Detroit.

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    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 78%

    Derrick Deese Jr.

    (574 votes)

  • 21%

    DeShon Elliott

    (155 votes)



  • 729 votes total

    Vote Now

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    7 Alim McNeill vs. 10 Logan Stenberg

    I always love when Name Bracket matchups may mirror what we see on the field when training camp opens. In a lot of ways, the names fit the player. Alim McNeill is an exciting name with a lot of potential (gives off HEAVY Shaquille O’Neal vibes), while Logan Stenberg is a once intriguing name who could be making a last-ditch effort to hold onto his Name Bracket career.

    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 26%

    Logan Stenberg

    (189 votes)



  • 722 votes total

    Vote Now

    2 Trinity Benson vs. 15 Mike Hughes

    Where to even start with the name Trinity Benson? Do I make a Matrix reference? Do I start talking about the Blade trilogy? Do I talk about how pleasant of a word trinity is? Or do I satisfy the older readers by making references to the 1980s sitcom “Benson?”

    The good news is that Trinity Benson should make it far in this tournament, so I’ll have the opportunity to talk about them all.

    Meanwhile, I like that I can say Mike Hughes like it’s one name. Mikews.

    Poll

    Who has the better name?

  • 93%

    Trinity Benson

    (674 votes)



  • 722 votes total

    Vote Now

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